Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Healing of "Hubba-Hubba" with the Hubby

I have experienced first-hand being at war with my husband.  

The state of war tends to be magnified when you are in a place of personal dryness.  When there’s not enough finances, when you have little people, when there is so much demand on you, your time, your energy...  

When we as wives feel the pressure, we tend to lean that pressure into our husbands - and this creates a serious rift between a couple.

 When feeling empty, usually the LAST place you want to wring out your final ounce of energy is on the hubby.  

The first lesson I learned after many years of trying to light a firecracker under my husband to CHANGE our circumstances, and "fix things" is…

YOU can’t change your husband, only God can change your circumstances.  YOUR job is to pray (seek God's Kingdom), and encourage your husband/leader with action & words.

"...People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met."  Matthew 6:33 - The Message

Love vs The Frying Pan
Once we were arguing over some issue, and I knew I was right (I know I'm not always, but this time I was). I  put the heat on my hubby like trying to “brand” him with a hot iron of truth, but the more I pressed him, the more he’d resist and the bigger the explosion got.  We just needed to go to our separate corners of the ring for a cool off.  

That evening, I heard the Lord prompt my heart to serve him “in the bedroom”.  “NO WAY, GOD – DO YOU NOT SEE HOW WRONG HE IS?!?!?! “  is what I yelled at the creator of the universe (like that ever works - but I had to try).   

After wrestling with my feelings…and boy, I had plenty of them, and NONE were "warm fuzzy, let me cuddle up to my husband" ones.  They were more like "hit him over the head with a frying pan" ones.

As I wrestled, and wrestled with what I wanted...which was for my hubby to admit he was WRONG before I took a step closer to physically loving him, The Lord was oh so gentle to remind me to TRUST Him, and serve my hubby.  God has not let me down before, right?   

So, after some time sifting through my thoughts of using my frying pan for evil, and not scrambled eggs, I knew I could hesitate no longer.  I just needed to be obedient to serve him intimately.  I initiated some "hubba-hubba" time.  Mind you, words were different – I wasn't oozing with wanting to TELL him what a champion he was...I was still working through the fact that he was WRONG, but I knew I needed to encourage union.  In a sense, say to him with my actions that I was behind him, loving & supporting him.  

After some giggling, play, and cuddles, I no longer needed to hear (him say) how wrong he was - God had melted the anger in my heart, and filled it with love for the man I married many years ago.

But then...after our time together, the first words that came from his mouth were, “Chris, I’m such a jerk, I’m not worthy of your love, and I’m sorry.”

             OBEDIENCE. UNION. LOVE.


  1. God is always right. He makes us humble ourselves first many times. Nice article.

  2. Yes He is and as frustrating as it is sometimes, He does humble us for our good - and AFTER the storm passes I'm always grateful...I emphasize AFTER! Thank you! I typed this with great apprehension since it's such a vulnerable topic.

  3. Way to go for telling this story.
    We are loved by God when we do not deserve it... and my husband often loves me when I do not deserve it... I know how wonderful it is to receive that kind of love and how it melts me! God, help me pass on this kind of love when he needs it!

    1. Thank you, Emily - yes, it does feel wonderful when we receive undeserved love from our husbands ;) May we always have the courage to pay it forward.

  4. Great lesson! Thanks for sharing such a personal story. Obviously God blesses our obedience.

    1. Thanks, Vicky...YES He does - but sometimes it's hard to form the habit of blessing when we don't want to. I love what Emily pointed out (above) that God loves us when we don't deserve it. Thank you for stopping by. I'm going to head over now to see what you write about ;)

  5. It never ceases to amaze me how our offering love when it is not deserved works wonders! thank you for telling us about this valuable truth, Christy! I do hope you will continue sharing from your wonderful wealth of encouraging posts! Blessings to you!

    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement, Jacqueline. Yes it's soo true about offering love when not deserved. I love reading & sharing within your community, thank you!

  6. It's a mysterious, amazing thing, isn't it? That choosing to show love when we don't feel like it and they don't deserve it can break down barriers that no amount of "right" can tear down. Hm. . . guess that's why God said not to defraud each other, huh? I'm thoroughly enjoying hopping around your site this morning :)

    1. I think we all need to be regularly reminding (I know I do). It's certainly not something that comes naturally! Thanks for taking your time over here, Lori!


I'm delighted to hear your own encouragement & experiences. Thank you for joining me