Marriage Mayday #2 - Appetizers & Business

When was the last time you just sat down and shared your thoughts with your spouse - and even dreamed a little?

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You would think when you're married to someone - especially after many years, that you actually spend a lot of quality time with that person.  Sadly, in this day and age, that's not as easy as it sounds.  We have work duties, kid nose-wiping duties, 400 lbs of laundry duties, pay-for-everything duties, and over time, partnership & friendship in a marriage can get lost.

As the years go by, change happens:  life goals, wants & needs...but do we find time to express our hearts to our spouse?  Do we make time to talk regularly?

Take advantage of the AWESOME-NESS!
 Let's say you live in an area where there is something AMAZING to go to all the time (mountains, beaches, Disney...).  A lot of people would assume you enjoy your surroundings everyday.  But most locals from those areas don't take advantage of it regularly - because they know they can enjoy the scenery anytime, so it becomes a "We'll do it later."

Don't we do that to our marriages?  We don't put talking, planning, or sharing on the top of the list...because we think the opportunity will ALWAYS be available so "We can do it later."  

But then loooong periods of time drift by and the later doesn't come - and the close bond & connection with our spouse weakens.  We're so "duty" bound, that we don't see spending time together, planning, dreaming, changing direction, or just being silly at the top of the to-do list.


No marriage & family will be successful without unity.  Pull out your calendar & notebook, go get an appetizer and talk about changes, goals, dreams, and direction.

What an inspiration!!!!

Recently my husband and I went on one of our planning dates at a nearby restaurant, and a couple was seated near us.  They sat at the same side of the table together, and were sharing an appetizer.  I was trying not to stare and creep them out, but I was so blessed to watch them enjoy each other's company. They probably noticed my continually glancing over at them, so I went over and asked if they were married, and if so, for how long.  51 years!!!  They were married for 51 years!!  I told them what an inspiration they were to me - and I enjoyed seeing them spend time together.  They told me that yes, it was VERY important to invest in their marriage.  What an inspiration!!!

Planning Date - a free worksheet download...
Click on the worksheet to download & print it.

There are many aspects within a marriage that needs to be viewed as a business.  No business will be successful without unity among the management team.  The key to harmony and success within the marriage is being on the same page in terms of direction of operation within the home...

So grab your spouse, head down to a local restaurant (or put the kids to bed early), and tighten the unity within your marriage.  Share your heart, dreams, & goals.

Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand."  Matthew 12:25 (NIV)

Marriage Mayday #1 - Vulnerability

Have you even had a fight with your spouse?  Me neither - JUST KIDDING!!!!

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to be sharing some of the struggles & victories of marriage.  I'll be including worksheet pages from our "Marriage Mayday Kit" that you can download for free.

The Ugly Truth - The Weed
I used to think my marriage was divorce proof - how wrong I was!  Even after a decade of marriage, and a very strong friendship with my husband, there was still a weed growing that was about to overtake the garden of our marriage if we didn't do a serious spraying of round up & yanking to get rid of it once and for all.

My heart breaks when I hear of a marriage break up, and I used to naively think there's no way that could happen to ME.  But marriages do carry on blissfully unaware even when there IS a weed growing - and they will eventually find that lowly (or multiple) weed(s) have overtaken their marriage. The problem is - the weed is harder to get rid of the longer it's allowed to grow. Then one day either or both parties wake up and feel the only way they can survive life is to walk away because they feel their life is being choked out.  That weed seems to have too strong of roots to be pulled out.

The good news is, no matter how big the weed is, 

it CAN be killed & pulled.

There was a weed in our garden.  One weed that every time I allowed myself to be aware of it, I'd be so overwhelmed with the daunting task of trying to pull it, or kill it, so I'd just bury it for a while and pretend it wasn't there.

When we were first married, I saw the issue was present but like most blissful newly married couples, there was google-eyed grace, love, & mercy.  As time went on, and the issue was brought up, the fighting became more intense.  Then after a while, I just tried to ignore the issue - because I didn't know how to weed it out of my marriage; but when it was brought up, LOOK OUT - This is war and the gloves were off!  Resentment started to set in, dis-trust, lack of faith...over ONE WEED!  It's amazing how one weed can ruin such a beautiful garden...but this is the story of many.

ONE WEED =  MARRIAGE DESTROYED.

The issue was no longer the culprit of destruction, but all focus was on the person.  Now it's one versus the other - not the issue to be combated.  We were no longer seeing and trying to pull the weed, but fight each other.

Calling a Truce

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Then one day with the Grace of God, determination to have a peaceful marriage, and the wisdom around us, we had to call a truce - and find out what was REALLY plaguing us.

It wasn't each other - but the enemy fertilizing one rapidly growing weed in our marriage.

Someone we trust said to us, "The problem isn't YOU TWO, so quit attacking each other.  It has another name."

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Ephesians 6:12

 Pride is the fertilizer used to rapid-grow weeds within relationships.  Love is the round-up.

So step one was laying down our PRIDE and realize the other person was NOT the enemy of our marriage.  Rather, we needed to work TOGETHER.  

Oh yes, we have a part to play in either victory or destruction - so we need to choose wisely what we say and do towards one another.  Let's place our energies on fighting against THE WEED.

Committed to Love - a free worksheet download...

Click on the worksheet to download & print it.

Laying down your weapons...Write the areas of pride you are willing to lay down for the sake of love.  Have an uninterrupted time with your spouse to have a vulnerable talk about the weed that needs to be dealt with in your marriage.

We need to take honest inventory of our marriages - and do some serious weed hunting.

The weed's growth did not happen overnight, so neither will be pulling it up.  God can SURELY do a miracle, but we must be patient with each other during this time of healing.

Because I simply avoided our issues & didn't take the weed seriously, it truly scares me how close to allowing it to choke & kill our marriage it came.  To those around us, this confession would be a shock - and I wasn't being "fake", but simply we have always been & are great friends and for the most part, I simply pretended the problem wasn't there.  It's not like we fought all the time, but when the weed was uncovered - LOOK OUT!

I LOVE Israel Houghton's song "Moving Forward" and have made it my declaration in hard times.  No matter how messy things are, or how many weeds I need to pull up, I'M MOVING FORWARD, like Paul says "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Philippians 3:12...

What a moment You have brought me to?  
Such a freedom I have found in You  
You're the healer who makes all things new
 
I'm not going back, I'm moving ahead  
Here to declare to You my past is over 
in You All things are made new, 
surrendered my life to Christ I'm moving, moving forward, oh
 
You have risen with all power in Your hands  
You have given me a second chance  
Hallelujah, hallelujah,
 
You make all things new  
Yes, You make all things new 
and I will follow You forward  
You make all things new 
Yes, You make all things new 
and I will follow You forward
I will follow You forward, yeah, oh, oh

Here is more information about our Marriage Mayday Kit