If you want to read my first more-than-open post on (you know what), click here...
Maybe you're one of those always ready for some "hubba-hubba with the hubby" kinda gals - I sure wish I could say I was, but it's just not true.
After being married for a number of years (with growing regular irritations towards my husband), life & financial stress, throw a couple kids in there, mix with a few pounds of extra hips & thigh weight, and a pinch of wrinkles...literally that became the recipe for "Don't touch me."
I'm not at all claiming to be perfect - especially during those tough times...I'm just sharing my heart & perspective on this topic...I just wanted to put out that disclosure ;)
The more time passed in our relationship, sex sadly became a duty/chore - and it was one I rarely brought myself to fulfill. I needed our relationship to be closer, and was willing to do just about anything...but THAT.
There was distance between my husband and I - and me being a problem solver by nature, I wanted to fix the rift between us.
Now for sure, there needed to be communication and all that, but as I started a journey of putting sex back near the top of the list, this is what I discovered.
- First of all, it CATAPULTED our relationship into instant union - and not just physical, but emotional as well (when it became a regular priority). It showed that my husband's needs were important to me, no matter how I felt.
- It infused him with the "can do" attitude. When we see our husbands tired both physically & emotionally, it's like infusing them with instant stamina for leading the family.
- It caused him to want to serve me more with the things that are important to me. He'd look for ways to bless me.
- When MEN are treated as MEN, they become even more manly. Even if you have a man who needs to "step up and be a man" in some areas, treat him as THE MAN you believe he can be, and watch him rise up and grow into THE MAN.
- The more I made an effort, the more effortless it became, and even discovered it can be MORE fun (can it really be more exciting than it was when I first discovered the fun of sex?! YEP!!)
A wise friend/pastor's wife once told me, "As my husband once said to me, "If I told you I wasn't "in the mood" or was "too tired" for a nice long chat about life, the kids, and our day - every day for a couple of weeks, you would feel totally alone, angry, hurt, and like I didn't really care. Why do wives tell their husbands, over and over, that they're "not in the mood" or "too tired" for sex, when women know that sex is a primary way that men feel loved?"
So ESPECIALLY if your relationship is not great, or stress is overtaking - put "hubba-hubba" time on the priority list, take the initiative to show your husband you care about what's important to him as a man, and watch your relationship start to re-bloom.
I'm not saying it's the "fix-all" but it's sure a big piece.
We absolutely CAN NOT serve the body of Christ, other people groups, or mission fields around us if we ourselves are not unified. Christ even said a house divided against itself can not stand (Mark 3:25)
I love your candid nature! And I give a big AMEN to every word you wrote. You are blessing people by writing about this.ReplyDelete
From a wise pastor's wife.
Thank you my friend!Delete
It felt good to hug my husband and tell him he's my favourite person. I love my children with all my heart... I would fight to the death for them... but he was here first, and he will be here when they fly from the nest. So keep him #1. This has been on my heart lately, and this feels like the right spot to share it.ReplyDelete
Soooo true!!!! Thank you AGAIN for your wisdom!Delete
Oh, praise God I am not alone!! Thank you for your candidness and honesty and the empowerment of this post. It is so true that although sex isn't the end all, cure all it is such a big piece in marriage. I have struggled too...long before crows feet and post-baby changes. You encouraged me today and I praise God for you for that.ReplyDelete
Yes it is a big piece. I'm soo glad you were encouraged. No you are NOT alone - I'll be praying for you.Delete
A few years ago a friend told me that she wanted her husband to love her like my husband loves me. This friend is a very private person so this must have taken a great deal of courage. Because she is so private and can not talk about things like sex I failed to tell her the secret. I feel bad about it to this day but this is my secret. The secret to a great, close and loving marriage is for the wife to PUT OUT!! You have it down perfectly here. I sometimes say to my husband that I would like to bless him with sex tonight and I am open that I am not really in the mood but I know that he needs to be with me. Girls you will be in the mood if you do this for your husband. I have been married for almost 35 years and how I wish I had known this sooner!ReplyDelete
Thank you SOOOO much for your story and honesty! I'm so encouraged by it - 35 years! That's a wonderful testimony. I'm glad you are honest and say you're not in the mood, but you recognize his need. I too have a couple friends who have confided in me...and I have found it difficult to open "that" door - the just don't want to "go there". I'm praying women will see the need, be bold, and serve their hubbys.Delete
Coming to you via WIP Weds. A very interesting blog post! Kudos on your courage for sharing this - I think it is an issue that affects so many of us, at one time or another. And it's good to be reminded that, counter-intuitively, the way to get in the mood for it is to do it...ReplyDelete
The only thing I would want to sightly challenge is the underlying assumption that all men want it all the time, and more than their wives. I think that varies from marriage to marriage, and would not necessarily want to stereotype.
But what you say still stands, and i like your 'not in the mood' for a chat analogy - very helpful! Thanks!
Thank you for your perspective - you are right, and I didn't mean to make that an assumption or stereotype. I was just sharing my experience - Yes, we as wives could compile pages & pages with the "variables" within relationships. I'm glad you pointed that out. I truly appreciate your comment.Delete
Thank you for your honestly and your willingness to share yourself with us! I agree with every word you wrote!ReplyDelete
Thank YOU for your encouragement - you just never know what the response will be when you do share things like this. I really appreciate your comment.Delete
This is just so excellent! I am so glad you are sharing at Deep Roots!!ReplyDelete
Thank you, Jacqueline - I love the Deep Roots community!Delete