Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Healing of "Hubba-Hubba" with the Hubby


I have experienced first-hand being at war with my husband.  

The state of war tends to be magnified when you are in a place of personal dryness.  When there’s not enough finances, when you have little people, when there is so much demand on you, your time, your energy...  

When we as wives feel the pressure, we tend to lean that pressure into our husbands - and this creates a serious rift between a couple.

 When feeling empty, usually the LAST place you want to wring out your final ounce of energy is on the hubby.  


The first lesson I learned after many years of trying to light a firecracker under my husband to CHANGE our circumstances, and "fix things" is…

YOU can’t change your husband, only God can change your circumstances.  YOUR job is to pray (seek God's Kingdom), and encourage your husband/leader with action & words.

"...People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met."  Matthew 6:33 - The Message

Love vs The Frying Pan
Once we were arguing over some issue, and I knew I was right (I know I'm not always, but this time I was). I  put the heat on my hubby like trying to “brand” him with a hot iron of truth, but the more I pressed him, the more he’d resist and the bigger the explosion got.  We just needed to go to our separate corners of the ring for a cool off.  

That evening, I heard the Lord prompt my heart to serve him “in the bedroom”.  “NO WAY, GOD – DO YOU NOT SEE HOW WRONG HE IS?!?!?! “  is what I yelled at the creator of the universe (like that ever works - but I had to try).   

After wrestling with my feelings…and boy, I had plenty of them, and NONE were "warm fuzzy, let me cuddle up to my husband" ones.  They were more like "hit him over the head with a frying pan" ones.

As I wrestled, and wrestled with what I wanted...which was for my hubby to admit he was WRONG before I took a step closer to physically loving him, The Lord was oh so gentle to remind me to TRUST Him, and serve my hubby.  God has not let me down before, right?   

So, after some time sifting through my thoughts of using my frying pan for evil, and not scrambled eggs, I knew I could hesitate no longer.  I just needed to be obedient to serve him intimately.  I initiated some "hubba-hubba" time.  Mind you, words were different – I wasn't oozing with wanting to TELL him what a champion he was...I was still working through the fact that he was WRONG, but I knew I needed to encourage union.  In a sense, say to him with my actions that I was behind him, loving & supporting him.  

After some giggling, play, and cuddles, I no longer needed to hear (him say) how wrong he was - God had melted the anger in my heart, and filled it with love for the man I married many years ago.

But then...after our time together, the first words that came from his mouth were, “Chris, I’m such a jerk, I’m not worthy of your love, and I’m sorry.”

             OBEDIENCE. UNION. LOVE.