Monday, November 26, 2012

Hubba Hubba with the Hubby Part 2

Wow, I guess when you talk about - you know - it draws quite the crowd. I wrote on this topic because it was a personal battle for many years, and from the response I received, I see I'm not alone.

If you want to read my first more-than-open post on (you know what), click here...

Maybe you're one of those always ready for some "hubba-hubba with the hubby" kinda gals - I sure wish I could say I was, but it's just not true.

After being married for a number of years (with growing regular irritations towards my husband), life & financial stress, throw a couple kids in there, mix with a few pounds of extra hips & thigh weight, and a pinch of wrinkles...literally that became the recipe for "Don't touch me."  

I'm not at all claiming to be perfect - especially during those tough times...I'm just sharing my heart & perspective on this topic...I just wanted to put out that disclosure ;)

The more time passed in our relationship, sex sadly became a duty/chore - and it was one I rarely brought myself to fulfill.  I needed our relationship to be closer, and was willing to do just about anything...but THAT.

There was distance between my husband and I - and me being a problem solver by nature, I wanted to fix the rift between us.

Now for sure, there needed to be communication and all that, but as I started a journey of putting sex back near the top of the list, this is what I discovered.
  • First of all, it CATAPULTED our relationship into instant union - and not just physical, but emotional as well (when it became a regular priority).  It showed that my husband's needs were important to me, no matter how I felt.
  • It infused him with the "can do" attitude.  When we see our husbands tired both physically & emotionally, it's like infusing them with instant stamina for leading the family.
  • It caused him to want to serve me more with the things that are important to me.  He'd look for ways to bless me.
  • When MEN are treated as MEN, they become even more manly.  Even if you have a man who needs to "step up and be a man" in some areas, treat him as THE MAN you believe he can be, and watch him rise up and grow into THE MAN.
  • The more I made an effort, the more effortless it became, and even discovered it can be MORE fun (can it really be more exciting than it was when I first discovered the fun of sex?! YEP!!)
Wedding Day!!!!
There are most definitely days when I DIDN'T WANT TO pursue my husband physically, but we as moms don't want to touch blown-out diapers, dirty dishes, listen to whinny kids, or clean our toilets - but we do it anyways.  

A wise friend/pastor's wife once told me,  "As my husband once said to me, "If I told you I wasn't "in the mood" or was "too tired" for a nice long chat about life, the kids, and our day - every day for a couple of weeks, you would feel totally alone, angry, hurt, and like I didn't really care. Why do wives tell their husbands, over and over, that they're "not in the mood" or "too tired" for sex, when women know that sex is a primary way that men feel loved?"

So ESPECIALLY if your relationship is not great, or stress is overtaking - put "hubba-hubba" time on the priority list, take the initiative to show your husband you care about what's important to him as a man, and watch your relationship start to re-bloom.

I'm not saying it's the "fix-all" but it's sure a big piece.

We absolutely CAN NOT serve the body of Christ, other people groups, or mission fields around us if we ourselves are not unified.  Christ even said a house divided against itself can not stand (Mark 3:25)