Healing between mother & daughter

Growing up, I had a very rough relationship with my mom.  She was ill since I was very young & I was strong-willed, and hurt...it was a potent mix to say the least.

When I was in college, she made a (directional) decision that I didn't agree with.  I regret how I handled it...in a strong-willed "know it all" immature attitude.  My mom basically wrote me off because she was so hurt.  Was I right in my stance?  YES.  Did I handle it with love, mercy & compassion? NO.

I lost my mom.

But GOD...

Right after that, I went to school with YWAM.  I knew I was going to have a lot of airplane/sit on my rear time, so I bought a project.  I found my mom's favorite poem as a cross stitch to do as a prayer project.

When I am an old woman, I shall wear PURPLE with a red hat that doesn't go & doesn't suit me...by Jenny Joseph (I did customize it a little to suit my mom)

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple  

with a red hat that doesn't go and doesn't suit me. 

And I shall spend my pension on new "favorite sweaters" 

and more shoes and say we have no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired 

and gobble up samples in shops, and press alarm bells, 

and run my stick along the public railing, 

and make up for the sanity of my youth. 

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain, 

and pick the flowers in other people's gardens, 

and learn to spit. 

You can wear terrible shirts, and grow more fat, 

and eat three pounds of sausage at a go, 

or fresh bread and pickles for a week, 

and hoard pens and pencils and notepaper, and things in boxes, 

but now we must have clothes that keep us dry, and pay our rent, 

and not swear in the street, and set a good example for the children. 

We will have friends to dinner, and read the paper, 

but maybe I ought to practice a little now, 

so people who know me are not too shocked and surprised 

when suddenly I am old and I start to wear purple.

So for plane hours, and "quiet times", I'd prayerfully stitch this poem together for her.

I had hard moments, because while on the mission field, I'd call my mom to "test the waters" - NOPE, she still wouldn't receive me. "What IS the point???" would be my thoughts; I'd want to burn the cross stitch feeling like I was doing it for nothing and God was NOT answering my prayers - but back to the cross stitch I'd go in prayer for her, me, healing, forgiveness, our relationship, & peace.

I knew if I dwelt on MY feelings, I'd be angry, hurt, and stay in a place of un-forgiveness. So I needed to be ACTIVE in working towards healing, and stay in a place of petitioning God for restoration.  It's impossible to stay angry when you're working towards, and praying for healing.  You look either one way or the other.

When I got home months later, I gave my mom a call. Without any explanation, venting, or angry blow-up, there was instant peace between us - the peace that passes all understanding.  I didn't have to agree with her to love & accept her.

I had the poem framed, and gave it to her as a Mother's Day gift.  From then to the day she suddenly died the following year, my mom & I had a beautiful time of healing & friendship between us.

Now this poem hangs in my home as a reminder that 

prayer works

And you NEVER know how long you have

with loved ones,

treat them like 

there is NO TOMORROW

It's too often that people settle for dysfunctional or estranged relationships. They just turn a blind eye, or write each other off, yet Matthew 5 is so clear:

^23-24 “This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.

That's pretty serious!

I know it's easier to forget the person rather than deal with the rift, but forgetting about the issue breeds un-forgiveness under the surface - growing like a fungus in our hearts.

It is not possible to have good emotional health while harboring bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. Unforgiveness is poison! - Joyce Meyer

Here's the other favorite piece on my wall...

The nature of love has within itself

The power to endure the immaturity, ignorance, 

and offense of people,

And still see them in the light of their destiny and purpose.

Love will always see the divine value that each person has.

And love will always value the intimacy it has with each person regardless of their immaturity.

Lee Rollins - The Treasure Within.

The biggest lesson I learned from my experience growing up is that people do the very best they can with the tools they have.  Often people don't have all the tools they need, so their response is not the best - but we need to view them with compassion.  Isn't that what we're asking for when we make mistakes?

Thank God for the washing machine

With Christmas season being upon us, I always have the mixed feelings.  I had to learn a hard lesson - being thankful for my washing machine - instead of wishing for things to be better in certain areas of my life.

A few years ago, I took my daughters shopping for a few things.  I planned on getting them both a couple pieces of clothing, but gave them my usual rule, "Don't ask, let me offer" because nothing takes away my love for blessing them faster than when they bring half the store to me with those "puppy dog eyes". It started well with them honoring my request, but then before I knew it, bit by bit they brought more to me - and I was totally overwhelmed with their desire to bring the whole clothing section home.

I sadden at the thought of times God gives us gifts - from His heart, and we don't accept them with gratitude, but rather want more.  Hmmm...as a parent, that's a heartbreaking thought that I've done that to my Best friend/Creator of the universe.

I made them put it all back, headed home - told them it would benefit their health to give me a moment by myself.  As I took a deep breath, I heard The Lord talk to me about PERSPECTIVE. The Haiti earthquake JUST happened, so I pulled my computer out, opened it to pictures of the tent city those precious people were living in, and called my girls in.  They were quiet as I explained that was all the Haitian people now owned, and lived in.  I asked if they thought frilly cute-sy panties were at the top of their wishlist?

I too had to learn the hard lesson of perspective - from times of feeling sad because the beautiful Christmas decor or gifts were out of my budget, and yet TRULY finding it in myself to be thankful I'm able to go grocery shopping for my family - and no matter what kind of roof I have, I HAVE one.  I see more and more people in the road with "hungry" signs, and see the natural disaster rate increase (like those poor people affected right now trying to rebuild from Sandy).

Now I'm NOT against beautiful Christmases, but I know God brings us through seasons where that may not happen THIS year and no matter where we are, or what we have, we need to have a heart of thankfulness, JOY, and knowing God is ALWAYS working on our behalf - even if it's to strip us for a season.

We've had some unsettling years of moving so much (and coming from a background of living in 2 homes my whole life, that was difficult), uncertain financial state, much stripping from God, and instability.  I had times of being soo depressed, and pleading with God - but He had to bring me to a place that no matter how small, I needed to be thankful for what I do have.  Right down to:

• Thank you God for the washing machine, and soap to clean my family's clothes - because there are people all over don't even have THAT privilege.  
• Thank you God for our home - even if will be a different one next week - because there are people all over who don't even have one to warm their heads.  
• Thank you God for my family & the love we have for each other - because there are people all over don't even have THAT privilege. 

I know this is such a simple concept, but one that was very difficult for me to learn - but when we have a thankful heart, we are more full of JOY & peace...REALLY!!!!! When our eyes are no longer on our "wishlist", but rather "have" list, we appreciate what's around us more, laugh more, smile more, and find the little things that tickle us more.

So even if it's just the washer, be thankful for it every time you put in a load - I do!